How? What? Where? When?

Rosie is in a better mood now. Maybe the initial fear and phobia has gone. But still, it lingers somewhere, waiting to spring out any moment…

Someone ever mentioned that I had a weak mind. I somehow agree. I am easily affected by my surrounding and people. When someone is happy, I am happy. When someone is upset, I tend to feel gloomy too. But then, there are times that I am totally unaffected at all, to the point that I felt that I am being cold-hearted. Contradicting right?

My mind is in a swirl now. Undecided, disorganized. I dont know what I want to do; I dont know where to go from here. I am lost…

Can someone come and guide me?

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Cross My Fingers… Toes too, If I can…

Today my boss is back. Her being frustrated first thing she see me is not a good way to start our day (or rather my day with her). Frustrated not really because of my fault, because I have definitely tested out the system before, and it worked fine. How am I supposed to know that the system on the other side decided to play punk and refused to work??? I am not know-it-all, and definitely not a fortune teller who can predict things! Maybe I am sub-consciously refusing to do a good job. My resistance is at the peak high now, so just a little spark can have me doing things that I myself do not know what.

Today I heard from a friend I offended over the last weekend. I am happy that this friend did not take it to heart what I did (Since I am here, to all those that have offered me kind words and offered to accompany me through the weekend, thank you all. I love you all so!). Then another friend called to ask how my day was. I felt good hearing voices that sounded soothing to the ear. And not some frustrated, sarcastic voice grumbling and complaining. Come to think of it, I am quite a complaint queen too. Must bear in mind not to do that too often, because now I know how it feels to only hear complaints after complaints, which does not even concern you!

I hope I can leave early tomorrow, because I have hot date and at this point of time, I would rather go out and play than stay back and be busy for heaven-knows-what.

Everyone out there, please be kind and pray to your respective Gods for me, that she will leave early tomorrow.

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I am ok

I know I have worried many people who are concerned about me. Dont worry, I am ok.

I will be strong.

P/S: At most quit only…. I think I can wait till yr end bonus… but variable bonus… think cannot tahan liao… money only…. can earn again one… *shrug*

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我想快乐

我不知道我到底怎么了，就是一味地不高兴，一味地得礼不饶人，一味地得罪人。。。

那些我给脸色看的人，那些我得罪的人，对不起！

可能我没有办法接受这样的工作方式。专横的人，我见过。不讲理的人，我见过。没有安全感的人，我见过。一味要掌权的人，我也见过。可是这简直是所有当中之最！也许我性格太强烈，我没有办法一味盲目的遵从，我也不想逼自己做我不想做的事。

渐渐的，我发现我越来越没有自我，我发现我越来越不快乐。。。

是不是我太执著，是不是我放不下？每一次我都会作比较，每一次我都会苛刻要求，结果，当然可想而知，是让自己失望的。

渐渐的，我发现我越来越寂寞，我发现我越来越不快乐。。。

我已经很久很久没有掉过这么多眼泪，很久很久没有试过情绪这么失控。

我一向知足，一向容易满足，容易快乐。我想变回乐观，快乐的我。。。

可以吗？

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Them

Him

He asked me why I was hanging out with guys at such a young age, and that I should be concentrating on my studies. He insisted that I was with bad influence and warned me that if he ever catches me with ‘him’ again, he will disown me.

The ‘guy’ was my classmate. I was from a girls’ school.

I will not have the chance to be lectured by him anymore.

Him

He asked me why I do so many things for him, even though he did not appreciate it. I told him it was because I loved him, and I didnt expect anything in return. He accepted everything I did for him. And took everything for granted.

He paid me back by giving me pushes and shoves and scars.

He will not have the chance to hurt me again.

Him

We were playing with the little ball he brought with him. We played until the sun went down beyond the horizon. I sent him home. He would come again the next day. And the next. And the next. Until I stopped opening the door for him. His little hands pounded on the door, asking me why I did not want to play with him anymore. Why I did not want him anymore. My tears started flowing.

I will never have the chance to play with him anymore.

Him

He asked my why I chose to be with him, even though I knew there might not be any future. I told him I was lost too, I just followed my heart. I had wanted to give up, but he told me not to let go if I loved him. I hung on. But he let go.

I will never trust him again.

Him

He told me he would be together with me forever. Did I believe him then? Maybe deep in my heart, I did not. True enough, it did not last. He is just bored.

I have forgiven him.

Him

He is just a jerk.

I have forgotten about him.

Him

He asked me why I chose to end the relationship. I told him endless times the reason why – I could not see a future with him. He hurled vulgarities at me. I ignored him. I guess he felt undignified, just wanted some form of revenge.

I completely ignored his childishness.

Him

He kept making promises he could not fulfill. Could not or did not want to, only he himself knew. I gave him a choice. He made it, but blamed it on me. If that was the way he wanted it to be, so be it.

I have no more faith in him.

****************************************************************************

I yearn for love, but I think I am numb.

Ironically, my tear ducts are still very active. They are uncontrollable. They seem to have a mind of their own. They come and go as they like.

I cant seem to take control of anything. Just as I thought that everything is within my control, something has to happen to make me realize what a failure I am.

I just feel like burying my head in my pillow and block everything out.

I will be alright. Tomorrow will be better.

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My Name

Today I introduced my blog to Spring-Flower. Not on purpose. I just happened to be blogging when she MSN me, so I just forwarded her the link ; proudly presenting – my blog.

Did I mention before that many people (again, I think not that many people, because not many I know reads my blog) asked me why I call myself Rose. Ok, I shall explain again here. My English name, means rose in Greek. Thus, my nick in MSN, and my blog’s title. I dont any old how just give myself a name ok. Got meaning one ok.

I used to hate my name, because everyone calls it wrong. Everyone adds an alphabet to it, or rearranges the sequence of the letters in my name. Everyone cant remember it, because it is too unique.

But now, I have grown to like it. Yes, so what if it sounds Malay/funny/weird. Its my name and I like it ok?

D asked me what my Chinese name is. I told him it is equally unique and difficult to remember. Hahaha.

I remember in my Secondary school days, my Physics teacher always calls me lunatic, because my HanYuPinYin name has the same spelling as ‘lunatic’ in Chinese. Everytime she calls me by that name, I wished that I could just ignore her, and refuse to acknowledge the name that she used to call me.

But I couldnt, because everyone, including myself, knew that she was calling me. If I did not answer, it would seem rude, wouldnt it? Being the good and obedient student I was, I just tried to ignore the fact the she has mispronounced my name, and answered her.

But now, I have learnt to appreciate my names. People sometimes still laugh at them, but well, they are my names, and I am not about to change them because a handful of people thinks they are funny. So there!

I have a confession to make. I have laughed at other people’s names too. BUT!!! They are really funny mah. Come on, who, in the right mind, will her himself/herself Refridgerator/Fan (Note: Its Fan, not Fann)/Banana/Fish (Sorry no offense. I like her songs too, but Fish as a name is really…)???

Ok… I am just being bo liao.

I think I am going into denial mode. Anyone can guess why? Leave your answer in the tagboard…

No prize for getting it right though…

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Life….

Someone finally figured out how to leave messages in my tagboard! Ms HP MSN me yesterday. I told her I was jealous because she left a comment in Bubble’s blog, but not in mine. She said I only allowed bloogers to leave comments. Really meh? Then I told her ‘Neh… got that message box for you to leave message also mah’ She said she couldnt. I slowly guided her along, and she did it! Yeah! Sweet of her, because she knew that I was feeling down the past 2 days.

This morning I saw a ‘Cher’ left message too. For a moment, I thought who on earth is Cher. Then I read the message again, and realized it was Teacher. Hahahaha! She has been bogged down by her numerous assignments, and I think she must be feeling damn cooped up. Asked everyone to date her out on Nov 15, after her assignments are due. OK! We shall go out and have a good time then!

Quite last night, I met D for drinks. We went to Bali Villa (or is it Villa Bali?). Quite a nice place. He told me it is outdoors and the only wind is ‘natural wind’. Ok, last night was quite cooling, but then a few big fans were blowing around us, so I guess it cant be hot right?

We chatted quite abit. He knew that I was down too. So he tried to cheer me up a little. He mentioned that my Phuket pictures had a lot of elephants.

‘I saw elephants. I scrolled down, it was more elephants. I scrolled down more, it was still elephants!’

Hahaha! Aiyah, elephants were one of the first few pictures I took mah, so more enthusiastic lor. I took more, but some of it turned out blur and yellow, some of it I cant let public view, some of it not worth viewing, so I never put lor.

He asked me 2 questions last night which set me thinking hard.

What do you like? (Actually it started off with saying that I was flipping through my Primary School autograph, then it led to saying I had many soft toys, which I cant remember who they were from, so he asked me if I liked soft toys. I said not really. Then he asked the million dollar quention)
What do you want to do? (This was because he knew I was not happy about my job)

What do I like? I thought really hard. But I couldnt answer him. I realized that there isnt one thing that I particularly liked.

Flowers? Yes I like, but I can do without them.

Jewellery? Those who know me will know that I only wear my good luck ring and my watch. Nah.

Watch? I used to buy a lot, but I dont really like it so much I will spend my last penny on them.
Clothes/shoes/bags? Which woman dont like? But I can make do with what I have.

Make up? Not really. I would rather go bare if I can, but alas, looks still do matter lor.

Photo taking? I like, but right now I feel fat and I feel I dont look good in pictures so I refrain from taking.

Food? Yes maybe this is what I like. But counted meh? Good food who dont like?

So, WHAT DO I REALLY LIKE? Can someone please tell me?

Next question: What do I want to do? I have been pondering over this question for a long long time. I still do not have the answer to that.

I told D: I am not the kind of person that will plan for my future.

He said: Just take one day as it comes?

I nodded my head.

I dont know what he thought of me then. Disorganized? Lost? Insecured? Maybe I am everything. Everyone has a goal in life. What is mine?

*Thinks really hard*

I will tell you when I find out.

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Phuket Trip Photos

Finally! I managed to upload most of my pictures. I tried 3 times. First 2 times, Blooger hanged on me when I was halfway through. At last on my third attempt, i succeeded! *Applaud me please*

Yesterday was a shitty day. Today was not much better. Hope tomorrow will be a better day for you, you, you, and me.

Enjoy the photos, though some of them not very well taken…

The Budget terminal

Our breakfast

My half boiled eggs

2nd sis’ laksa

Walking to the departure gate
Arrived at Phuket Airport!

Walking out..

Arrived at the resort. My 8 yr old nephew Marc

My neice Kim and baby nephew Matt

Matt

All aboard! For city tour!

First stop of city tour – Elephant trekking

We saw these dogs playing

This dog was under the table most of the time.

Poor dog has cataract in of his eyes.

Mum and sis with baby elephant.

See how my mum cringe whenever the trunk comes near her?

Elephants queueing, ready for trekking. Sis and Matt setting off

BIL, Marc and Kim setting off

Mum was contented taking pictures with a fake elephant

Everyone looking at the baby elephant performing

Hula hoops!

You may not see it, but baby elephant is playing a harmonica! With its trunk!

Coming back from elephant trekking

Marc, indulging in his ice cream in a quiet corner

Next stop, Chalon Temple

A blur night view from the resort

While waiting for the transport to come pick us to the restaurant, I took some (blur) pictures

Beach view from the beach front restaurantOur food

Tiger prawns!Pepper crabs!Er… some other dishes!Getting ready for Khai islands!It poured the night before.

See how flooded the road is? I think it was about ankle deep..See Matt’s expression? He was crooning away his ‘1 little, 2 little, 3 little Indians…’Our speedboats that will bring us to Khai Nok islandWaiting for everyone else to arriveWe were the Blue teamWaiting…

Our barang (part of it)Finally got on to our boat!We saw this really BIG lizard crawl from the beach to the rocks! It attracted alot of attention, and everyone made way for it to pass throughSee the lizard? See those ‘shells’ on the rocks? I cut myself on one of those rocks

when I was snorkelling. And I only gently touched the rock…Mum and Matt
Mum and KimMarc with his flippersMattKim and MattHappy Kim surrounded by the many fishesMum2nd sis and Marc, building sandcastlesTada!Back to the boat, heading back to the main station. This little gal (see the little arrow poitning) is cute! She offered us some bread to feed the fish (Actually we offered her first, then she ‘returned’ us) Sweet little gal kept talking to us in Jap, assuming that we can understand her. 🙂

KimTired boy on boardEveryone is tired. We went to Patong for dinner that night

The restaurant we ate atThe crabs, lobsters, prawns, fish

Cost of the lobsterThe streetSee the BIG Iguana on the man’s shoulder?The Ah Guas…The black dog we sawThe Masks that amazed the kidsThe massageTo Allamanda Beach!

Waiting for the ferry to come…

Eldest sis checking out first…My mum, 2nd sis and I ended our trip with a good massage

and dinner at this restaurant by the riverAfter we came back to Singapore, I went for Manicure! Slanted French with gold glitter!

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Some Phuket Trip… Some Serious Ranting….

Today is a Wednesday, but it feels like a Monday – Blue. I have no mood to do anything.

I have no mood to work.

I have no mood to play.

I have no mood to chat.

I don’t even have the mood to blog.

But since I am not in the mood to do anything, but I have to do something in order not to fall asleep, I will choose the thing I feel like doing most, out of the least – I will blog.

Many people (Actually not that many la, since I dont think many people I know reads my blog) ask me why I blog.

Well, I started blogging because I felt that I had left too many memories of mine go unremembered.

I blog because this is one venue where I can vent all my anger and frustrations in.

I blog because this is the place I leave all my memories, be it beautiful, sad, angry.

I blog because this is one way my friends can keep in touch with me, despite not meeting up.

I blog because when I blog, I realize that there are many things I should have done, but did not do.

I blog because I realize there are many things I should not have done, but I did.

I blog because this is a place where I can reflect upon my words and actions.

I need a bed. So I can make sure I wake up from the right side everyday. So nothing will go wrong everyday. So everyday will NOT be blue.

Ok. Let me continue with my trip update.

On the first night, my brother-in-law booked us at this restaurant that he heard about. He had wanted to go there the previous night, but the whole place was booked by someone for a function. So he made advance booking and arranged for transport to come pick us at our hotel.

The transport came quite on time. I realized that we were not the only ones going to the same restaurant from our hotel. The transport that came to pick us was actually a lorry converted to van. We all had to climb up the ‘seats’ from the back of the lorry. And we all sat in 2 rows facing one another. The road was quite bumpy. Soon the lorry turned into a very dark road. No joke, it was really dark. So dark that you cant even see your hands in front of you. Marc was asking ‘How come so dark’.

When we reached the restaurant after a 10minute ride, we were all hungry. The place looked like the one I went to in Bangkok 2 years back. It was a beach front restaurant. The kids were happy to see the beach so near them (Oh yes, they have not been to the beach yet for the 2 days they were there). But it was dark on the beach, and eldest sis was afraid that they would go to the waters, so we did not allow them to step onto the beach.

Brother-in-law ordered the food this time. BBQ Tiger Prawns, Black Pepper crabs, Steam Crabs (for mum and Kim, who loved crabs), Tom Yam Soup (How can we not order this), Stir fried Kailan, Shrimp cake (the kids loved this from the lunch so they wanted to order again), and some pork. Oh yes, this was a sumptuous meal.

*Sidetrack abit..

KNS!!! I trying to be nice and warn him about boss, he go and tell boss I told him what she told me!!!! Boss just called me to screw me upside down for warning him… No point being nice, I tell you!!! Next time just keep my bloody mouth shut!!!!

I HATE THIS BLOODY PLACEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!*

I think I did take pictures of the place. If I can find it in my other card, I will update this post with all the pictures.

Ok, I really no mood to blog about my trip now. I just wanna brood, and wallow in self pity again…

I did check on his hotel and transport. When Bubbles asked me to check on hers, I mentioned 2 names, because they were travelling together. And she assured me, yes dont worry, everything is taken care of. Now this has to happen…

Maybe Bubbles is right. My heart is not here. Maybe I should just go…

No, I think I know what I should do now.

Log on to JobsDB and start looking. Yes thats what I will do now.

P/S: I thinking I am PMSing. This is one full fledge of PMS attack.

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Phuket Trip – Part 1

Hi folks, I am back!

Tired… Very tired… Although I slept early and woke up not so early, I still felt tired. I suspect it is the sun. I woke up this morning feeling not very good. I was sure something nor very pleasant would happen today. Anyway… Lets talk about my trip.

Once again, it has been proven that I am just not a very ‘Nature’ person. Evidences will be shown below in this post. Photos may not appear in chronological order, as muddleheaded me left one of my SD card at home. So this is only part of the photos I took. And some, of course, are meant for my, and my friends’ eyes only ;p.

My mum, my brother, and I woke up at 4.30am on Saturday, to prepare for our flight at 7am. My brother very kindly sent us there. My sis met us there. We checked in, and proceeded to have breakfast. We knew that Tiger Air has no seat allocation, so we thought that as long as we go to the gate a little earlier, we should be able to get seats next to, or near to one another. WRONG. By the time we reached there, there was already a looooooooong queue forming. In fact, we were one of the last few in the queue.

As usual, those with children and elderly has the priority to go first. It was more orderly in Singapore, as there was a separate queue/entrance for them. No one complained.

After we entered the gate, we have to walk about 100metres to the plane, climb up a flight of stairs to board the plane. My mum had some difficulty, because her legs were not very strong. But she got up alright. Lucky me and her got aisle seats next to each other. Sis went further to the back.

The plane was quite alright, though I thought the leg space was really small. I wonder how the ang mohs could stand it, if they were not sitting right in front, or at the emergency exit, where the leg space was much bigger. Ok for a short flight, but not for longer flights. I think I will stick to non-budget airlines when I go for my Hong Kong or Taiwan trips.

We touched down in Phuket at about 8.45am. I almost missed the person who was supposed to pick us up. He was hiding in a corner and was not holding my name up properly. Luckily I went to search for him. If not, we would have wasted some money on the transport to the hotel.

The person who picked us up was called Phayon. He was a chatty fellow. Talked non-stop from the moment we boarded the van to the hotel. But he was a friendly fella. He told us that we were not able to check in so early, so he would take us for the city tour first, then go back to the hotel to check in. But we told him that my eldest sis was already there, and we wanted to meet them first. I asked if they could join the city tour too. He discussed with the driver, then turned to tell yes ok. I asked him ‘Free?’. He smiled (Oh he is very smiley too) and said ‘Yes, free of charge’, since they would have to bring the 3 of us anyway. But they would have to pay for any incidentals themselves, which was reasonable.

The hotel was about half an hour’s drive from the airport. We did not stay at the famous Patong beach, but a quieter, not so rowdy beach called Bang Tao Beach. The hotel we were staying at, The Allamanda, was a 5-star hotel (according to Phayon). He told us that everything quoted to us by locals would definitely be more expensive if they found out we were from Allamanda hotel.

We found out that we could check in afterall. Just that they were still cleaning up the room. So we left our luggage there, went to meet my sis and her family at the restaurant where they were having breakfast. My niece and nephews were (or pretended to be) surprised to see us. My baby nephew, Matt, asked us how come we were there too. Hahaha… Like it was such a ‘coincidence’.

My sis arrived one day before us. They had a little hiccup, because the hotel did not have their reservation! They were downgraded to a junior suite (they were supposed to get a 1-bedroom suite like us). Of course my sis was not happy! I think I would have made more noise if it were to happen to me. But they were promised to be moved next to us that afternoon.

The start of the city tour.

Phayon brought us for elephant trekking. It was a very long ride to the place. Marc kept asking ‘are we there yet?’. When at long last we arrived, the children were so restless already.

Evidence that I am not a very nature person1: I hated the smell. It smells like there is dung all over the place. Maybe it was the elephants’ droppings.. but… But the children were excited about getting to ride on elephants. My mum wasnt too keen. Neither was my 2nd sis and I. So we just watched them. I took a few photos of them on elephants, but those are in the card that I did not bring, so tomorrow ok.

There was a baby elephant performing some tricks at another corner. My mum wanted to take a picture with him, but the baby elephant was very active and kept moving its trunk. My mum shrieked and moved away everytime the trunk came within 50cm of her. So her photo turned out to be one of her ‘scared’ look. Hahaha.

My mum sat at the bench while wiating for the kids to come back from elephant trekking. Eviedence that I am not a very nature person 2: I did not sit because I suspected there were ants and other unknown creatures on the bench. I told my mum and 2nd sis, but they did not care. *Shrug*

After elephant trekking, Phayon brought us to this famous temple in Phuket, The Chalon temple. We were all not very keen on visiting the temple, so we agreed to stop by, take some photos for momeries’ sake, and left the place.

Then we stopped by a shop for souvenirs. We bought a lot of food stuff for mum to distribute, and for self consumption. I remembered to buy some for my brother’s gf too, for she kindly sacrificed her weekend to take care of my dog for me. She is really a nice sweet girl. We get along well too, so I hope she will be the one :p

After that, we went for lunch. It was because I was weak due to extreme hunger. Phayon brought us to this place that sells birds nest soup for 200baht. So we went. BUT, there was only Birds nest soup. And sharks fin soup. Nothing else. HOW M I SUPPOSED TO GET FULL WITH BIRDSNEST SOUP? But since it was birds nest soup. Good for my complexion and throat, I wouldnt reject it. It was nice. But Marc and Kim hated it. WHY??? They shared a bowl, and I had to feed Kim to make her finish it.

After birds nest, I couldnt take it anymore. I wanted proper lunch! So Phayon brought us to this place where mostly locals go. The food was nice. We had Tom Yam soup (of course), shrimp cake, steamed fish, some vegetables, some meat.

*Sian.. boss just called and ‘lectured’ me… So now no mood to blog… if it sounds boring.. sorry ok…*

By the time we finished lunch, it was about 3pm. We headed back to the hotel. Oh this is how the hotel looks like. Sorry my camera failed me this time. it is not very good with orange lights and night shoots, so please bear with it.

The kitchen with a fridge and toaster and boiler.

Lots of utensils in the cupboards below.

The dining area

The living room. The couch is so comfortable

my mum could fall sleep there.

The other end of the living room where the TV is.

The bedroom

The dressing table

The Wardrobe

The bathroom

The scenary from the living room

My 8 yr old nephew Marc drew this,

which i thought was very good.

Ok… really no mood to blog now. Blog later or tomorrow ok. Stay tuned…

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